Tradie HR director Leigh Olsen recalls her first-hand experience working for a manager who didn’t take kindly to feedback she’d been encouraged to give.
A few weeks ago, I was sitting with a young tradie who’d contacted me about concerns with their boss. This employee had had enough but they were scared to leave, and scared that they weren’t going to get a good reference when they resigned.
This sparked my curiosity. What was behind the fear from this talented young person? Quite simply — feedback.
Over the Christmas break, they’d seen their boss snap again and again not just at themselves, but the rest of the team. People were getting upset, and it was impacting their work.
This courageous young man decided to speak up, as the boss had always said his door was open and he welcomed feedback.
The feedback was given in a respectful way to the boss, highlighting that their constant snapping and poor delegation was really taking its toll on the rest of the team.
He received a thank you, but within 24 hours, the boss’ behaviour shifted — it had obviously not been taken well.
From there on in, the young worker felt like he had a target on his back, and was often greeted with passive aggressive comments of “have a happy day”, with a fake smile and tone to match.
The instructions from the boss on small jobs seemed to get larger, as if the boss wanted to prove their point that they were in charge.
This talented employee was stressed, tired and over his boss’ behaviour and wanted out — but felt trapped by the need for a good reference.
It’s not the first example I’ve encountered lately where bosses say they’re always open for feedback, but then can’t handle it when the truth is presented to them.
The benefit of feedback
For many of us, we just don’t like feedback. Even worse, we don’t learn how to handle receiving it, resulting in some poor behaviour in the workplace that damages relationships.
Yet there are so many benefits to creating an open workplace culture that welcomes feedback and, more importantly, actions it.
When we receive feedback, we discover blind spots that may not have been visible to ourselves, yet glaringly obvious to others.
More often than not, when I give my clients feedback that they’ve never heard, they start with being shocked — because they just never knew.
And when they take on this feedback with an open mind, it’s been a fundamental game changer in re-shaping their workforce into high-performing teams.
By taking it on the chin, listening with an open face (my favourite tip) and hearing what others have to say is a great shortcut to building strong workplace relationships.
Remember, it’s taken courage for the other person to give you this feedback, and if you’re prepared to hear it and really take it in, the trust between you and that person grows, improving the relationship.
My traumatic experience
Years ago when I was an employee, I remember a manager saying to me (and the team) that we were free to challenge any ideas, come up with new suggestions to challenge the status quo and speak our mind.
At the time, I thought wow this is fabulous, the very place for me! A few weeks later at our weekly management meeting, I felt it necessary to respectfully question an HR initiative I felt may not work so well with our staff.
I framed my thoughts as professionally as I could and waited. Silence. My colleagues were looking everywhere but at me. My manager was looking at nothing else but me. I remember thinking what have I done wrong? I followed the rules, it’s ok to share . . . isn’t it?
I was asked to wait behind at the end of the meeting where I was reprimanded for “not being on board”. When I reminded my manager they had asked for feedback, I was shut down.
My colleagues told me afterwards that they themselves had experienced similar responses and, as a result, had learned not to question anything the manager said.
I was appalled — why ask for feedback if you don’t mean it?
You can guess what happened at subsequent meetings with that manager — none of us hardly spoke and, one by one, my colleagues and I left the business.
After that meeting, my environment had changed. My trust was broken, and all the ideas that I had, that I really wanted to share, stayed in my head. Quite simply, I didn’t feel safe.
How to take the tough feedback
So how can you take on feedback that might not be music to your ears? Try these key tips next time someone has the courage to tell you what’s on their mind:
• Say thank you. It takes courage to give feedback so thank them, and thank them sincerely. It may be something that you didn’t want to hear, but if you want to learn more about what’s actually going on, then start with thanks.
• Ask for specific examples. To know how to improve, a generalised piece of feedback won’t work, so ask for a recent example. Listen and don’t try to explain or justify what happened. This will give you a better understanding of what the problem is, and where you can begin to fix it.
• Sleep on it. When we hear something we don’t like, pause for a moment and step out of the situation. Sleep on what they’ve said before thinking about what to do and how to handle it.
Often, the emotions will settle and we can see the feedback for what it actually is — just feedback — and not someone trying to deliberately attack you.
• Check in again. People like to know there’s been a change or that you’re doing something about it. Ask to meet with that person in a month’s time and see if there’s been an improvement.
If you’re still unsure as to how to respond to feedback received, then give us a call at Tradie HR on 027 530 9986 to step back and analyse what to do with the feedback, aiming to keep the relationship intact and avoid someone leaving your company.
Note: This article is not intended to be a replacement for legal advice.
